Stop delaying gratification: eat the goddamn marshmallows
You’re not getting any younger. Stop delaying gratification and eat the marshmallows.
This headline is more of a message to my adult self. After years of wringing out my youth and early adult years, I still found myself stopping what I really wanted to do at times. But found that when I did more of what I wanted to do, more abundant, amazing things followed.
I delayed a much-needed career break for over a year. I delayed visiting my sister in Australia for 5 years. I delayed moving to London for 7 years. I delayed going to Japan for 10 years. But when I did those things I found a sense of achievement and fulfilment like I never imagined. And these experiences helped me grow as a person.
How about you? Do you ever find yourself wondering “I’ll do that thing, but only once I’ve done that thing?” Or perhaps, “I’ll get what I want eventually, I just have to wait a little longer, and do a whole heap of other things whilst I’m waiting…?”
What is that thing? And what is getting in the way of your thing? Time, money, energy? Fear?
Perhaps it’s something to do with what you feel you deserve.
What messages did you receive about delayed gratification as a child? For me, I’ve unconsciously lived by the theory of the Stanford marshmallow test. If you hold out eating one marshmallow, you’ll get two instead. But life can teach you that sometimes you wait, and you just miss out on both the fricking marshmallows.
In between the Christmas and New Year period where commonly people have eaten too much cheese and don’t know what day it is, I’m pondering whether I’ve had a good time and whether I’m feeling happy with what’s come to pass.
The truth is, is this: I’m fairly happy with my lot in life, and I strive to see the silver lining against the clouds. But I know that there are things I’ve wanted to do, or have been putting off doing — that I’ve dreamt of for several years now.
It can range from small things, to the big foundation-shaking scary things. I perpetually feel like I can’t stretch my legs out fully when I get home from work, because there’s remote controls next to my feet in the way. I want to fully relax on our sofa, but for 18 months we’ve been sitting on an extremely uncomfortable sofa because it’s part of the furniture in our rented accommodation, and I figured we wouldn’t buy a new one until we have bought a shiny new house.
This may sound trite in an age where heinous things are happening all around us, but relative is relative, and for me, having a comfortable sofa to plonk myself down on after a hard day’s work is something I now feel I owe to myself. Rant over.
Here are some things I’ve delayed that would give me the satisfaction of eating a pillowy marshmallow, simply because I’ve procrastinated or been too lazy to sort them out:
- Booking time off
- Writing in my journal
- Having a bath (showers are quicker)
- Shaving
- Painting my nails
- Visiting my parents
- Washing-up
- Tidying the bathroom
- Going to the supermarket.
And the bigger, hairier things:
- Moving cities
- Changing jobs
- Buying a home.
What things are you delaying gratification of? Where are you putting your foot on the brake when you need to come off and accelerate?
What would make you feel happier so that you can relax into the moment and make everyday living that little bit more comfortable?
A new year and a new decade is a good time for reflecting on this stuff. You owe it to yourself to notice the stuff you feel you don’t deserve, and to eat the goddamn marshmallows. Do it. And whilst you’re at it, dip them in chocolate.
